Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
