i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
