In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
