I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
