Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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