i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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