FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
