we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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