I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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