I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
