sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
