Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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