i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
