i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
