Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Someone signed my nipple.
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