we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
