someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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