So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
