booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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