I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
