i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize