i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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