I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
