just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
