ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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