There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
