Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
