Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
