he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
