Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
