I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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