She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
