Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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