I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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