i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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