May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
