Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
