Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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