Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Someone came in the potted fern
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
