the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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