I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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