It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
