a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
