Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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