Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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