so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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