pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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