69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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