OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
