so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
