Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
