I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
