How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im holly from the hills drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
