Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize