Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
