I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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