you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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