i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she peed on how many people?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
