i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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