So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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