just tell him i said nine months
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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