I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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