dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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