it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
