My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
