Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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