mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
