Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
