First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
