Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
