i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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