I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
being pregnant is like rehab
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
