You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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