Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
