i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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