I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize