I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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