That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
