I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
