At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
