Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
