Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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