he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
