help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
