I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
