i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
