oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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