Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
