Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
