we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
