Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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