ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
