billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
