Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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