It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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