I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
