If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
