I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
