3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
